I'm Here, What Do I Do Now?

   While I was in high school, I thought that as soon as I got to college, everything would magically and correctly arrange itself, and I would not have to worry about anything but my studies. Well, obviously, I was wrong. 
   My insecurities and anxiety have only gotten worse, and I don't even know who I am anymore. There is nothing that defines me as an individual. I'm barely floating in a sea of long lean limbs, and golden lustrous locks, uncovered midriffs and confident struts. I am nothing but an ID number, walking up and down Common Ave...just a wanderer in the ever-changing fall weather, where the yellow leaves fall to die...
   I thought I knew what I wanted to do, and people keep telling me that I have my shit together. Inside, I'm screaming in frustration and panic, because simply I don't know who I am, and I  don't know what to do about it. 

Things I've Learned During My Last Year Of High School:

1. If something is too good to be true, then it's probably false: Every time I've felt sure about something, it has been absolutely wrong.
 

2. Best friends can be back-stabbing bitches: My best friend Catfish-ed me. What's worse, she pretends as if nothing ever happened. 

3. Nothing stays the same: Nothing. Not your clothes, your body,  your likes, dislikes, your grades. Change is the utmost integral part of life. Which totally proves the world favors entropy.

4. There is no cure for Senioritis: No matter how nerdy, responsible or caring you are, senior year, you will get senioritis. 

5. Love knows no age, but relationships are not for the immature: I am in no means to be in a relationship. Maybe sometime when I'm at BU, I might meet someone :)

6. Most people just want you to fail, and you want most people to fail: So many of the people that are "close" to me, they don't really care for me to succeed. And we must accept that we also are selfish and don't want others to succeed at times. 

7. Guys don't really like make-up on girls: Evey guy I've talked to, they're always complaining about how much make-up girls wear. Girls, don't be afraid to go au natural! I mean if you want to wear make-up because you like it, great, go ahead, but it won't "bring the boys to the yard" by itself. 

8. Some people have it worse than me.

9. People are afraid of letting the world know how smart they are, because "girls don't go for nerds" and "guys like dumb girls." This is truly awful. It makes me so damn sad. All these girls I thought were dumb, throughout most of high school, are actually pretty brilliant; they don't show it to the world.  

10. Life is full of unexpected disappointments, ones that might just be the right ones: This one, I agree with, only in theory. Eventually, I'd like to be sure that this disappointment will turn into GREAT stuff.

How To Be A Good Person

I have a really hard time not saying what's on my mind. My struggle is saying what I truly mean. I tend to be forceful, erratic and loud, yet in the inside I'm soft as mush. No one sees me like this. Although I don't consider myself a "good person", I know I'm not a bad one. I've pondered many times, why I behave so harshly around others, when in reality I just want to be their friend. I have come to the conclusion that in order to be a good person, one must learn to be silent when needed. We have an amazing gift of being allowed to express ourselves, but just because we can, we don't have to do it all the time. So, here it is, for all that it is worth, I shall try to learn when to keep quiet.